A Tale of Jack
by Ladybug Oblivion
Summary: Gundam Wing fractured fairytale. Rated for language. Maddness abounds when the Gboys are forcibly placed in Lady O's rendition of the classic Jack and the Beanstalk.
1. The Price of Beans

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 1: The Price of Beans

It was a time of dragons, a time of magic, a time of mechas that had enough firepower to wipe out Oz scum in a righteous blaze of destruction. It was...

_What the hell are you talking about?_

_Lady O smacks the narrator upside the head._

_This is one of those stories where the G-boys are forcibly placed in some fractured fairy tale to the pure enjoyment of the author._

_Lady O cackles evilly._

Yes...well...

_Lady O still cackling._

_Narrator duck tapes her mouth shut and throws her in the closet._

Yes... well. As I was saying, it was time of magical castles and talking donkeys. It is with this talking donkey that our story begins.

Down a dusty road, a young man and his beast walked. The young man was clad in poor attire, having only spandex shorts, a tank top, and yellow sneakers. A sad sight to behold. His beast was his sole possession and right now it was spitting mad.

"WHY THE HELL AM I THE ASS?!!!"

"Hn." The boy answered with a barely perceptible smirk.

"STOP YOUR FUCKING LAUGHING, YUY!!!"

Heero steps back and takes a long look at his companion. The donkey had black shoulder length hair tied into a tight ponytail. He wore his traditional garb of white. Attached to his head on a headband were two long black fur donkey ears. Attached to the back of his silk pants was a stapled on paper donkey tail from a pin the tail on the donkey game.

"Hn." The smirk was now a full-fledged smile.

"INJUSTICE!!!"

The donkey reaches for his sword to run the bastard through, but finds he is weaponless.

"Stupid onnas..._mumble, mumble_...stupid fangirls."

Heero nodded in agreement.

"So, Yuy, what does the mad onna want us to do this time?"

"According the mission specs I received from Dr. J, I am supposed to handle negotiations with a notorious slave trader to appropriate a means into a heavily fortified stronghold and then liberate key items from said fortress."

"Ah, then the usual... Wait a minute. A slave trader?"

"I was skeptical at first as well. But once J told me who I was dealing with, I found the mission plan sound."

"What do you mean once you found out who you were dealing with? It's appalling that you are even considering working with someone who steals people of their personal rights. It's injustice! Why would you even consider doing this?"

"It's my mission...and it's pretty much a done deal."

"Fine. But for the record, I'm completely against this idea. Besides I don't know how you're going to complete the mission while being a slave."

"Hn."

"You're right. If we don't hurry, we'll miss the rendezvous."

Both quickened their pace till they came upon a canopied rose garden. Through the vined archway, they walked. Wufei noticed that the flora was well tended. He paused but a moment to untangle one of his ears that was caught in the lush vegetation.

"Ah, you have made it. Would you care for a cup of tea?" an aristocratic man inquired from a wrought iron bistro table.

"That will be unnecessary, do you have what I need?"

Heero eyed Treize skeptically. He could see nothing that could help him with his mission.

"I have what you need." Treize replied coolly. "I see that you have what I want."

"Hn." Heero grunted in agreement.

"Then follow me." Treize beckoned them to follow to a corner of the garden where vegetables and fruit were growing. He reached down to strip a handful of beans from one of the plants, a small plastic tag marked it as "beanus maximus".

"Take these and plant them. Water them till the soil is fully saturated and wait till sunset." Treize instructed as he handed Heero the beans.

"That's it! A little plant is going to get us in! Are you INSANE?" Wufei ranted. He was more than a little concerned that Treize might be smoking something from this garden.

"My little Dragon, this will grow into a great beanstalk that Heero can climb directly to the Giant's Castle."

"Why can't I just take Wing? It would be faster and I would have the firepower I need to combat enemy insurgents." Heero was thoroughly confused. This "Beanstalk" was not a logical and efficient means of completing the mission.

"_onnas._" Wufei answered quietly.

"Hn?"

Wufei pointed to the closet door. You could still hear a muffled cackling.

Heero's eyes grew wide in understanding.

"Understood. I'll be leaving now." With that he turned and walked out of the garden.

"Wait, Heero!"

Wufei started to follow till he was pulled up short by a hand on his arm.

"And where do you think you're going my little dragon...err...donkey?" Treize whispered into Wufei's ear.

"Treize, you know damn well I'm on a mission. I don't have time to put up with your crap." Wufei huffed and tried to free his arm.

"Oh, but this is part of your mission." Treize smirked as he pulled out a set of silk handcuffs and a leather studded collar.

It took but a moment for Wufei to register what was going on.

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, YUY!!!"

"Now, now. Let me just put these on you."


	2. The Joys of Farming

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 2: The Joys of Farming

And so, the young adventurer continued on his way. Through forests green and mountains high, in search of a suitable place to plant his burden.

"Water."

Heero looked left and then to the right. No water could be found.

"Hn." Heero grunted in frustration.

He calmly walked over to the closet door and kicked it open.

"Water?" Heero queried the still cackling form.

_The onna simply shrugged her shoulders and continued to laugh._

"Onnas!" Heero ranted. Pausing, "I mean, hn!"

He then slammed the door shut and continued walking. Before long he came to a ridge of a lush green valley. Meandering through its center was fine sparkling river.

"Hn." Heero was clearly pleased with this development.

He made his way to the riverside and quickly dug a hole to plant the beans. Once done, he made his way over to the river. Cupping his hands, he scooped up the water and carried it back over to the beans. Unfortunately, most of the water had seeped through and only a tiny dribble finally made it to the soil mound. Back and forth he worked. Each time only a small amount made it to its destination. After an hour's worth of work, the ground was barely wet let alone saturated.

Heero took a moment's break to reassess his tactics.

A laugh from behind him prompted him into action. Quickly turning while pulling his gun from spandex-space, Heero focused onto a tall young man with a single green-eyed gaze.

"What are you trying to do, Yuy?" Trowa was clearly amused. He kept stifling his laughter and kept looking away from Heero to catch his breath.

"I'm on a mission."

"To what? Sprinkle the ground."

Heero gave his patented "omae o korosu" glare.

"Here." Trowa pulled bucket from behind his back and handed it to Heero.

"Hn?"

"I'm your backup. If you fail to complete your mission, I'm here to make sure there are no witnesses and retrieve the goods. But until that happens, I'm your partner."

Heero grabs the bucket and turns back to the river.

"How did you know you would need a bucket?"

"I have my sources." Trowa replied with a smile.

"You read the script, didn't you?" Heero countered with a knowing glance.

"Like I said I have my sources."

The bucket was quickly filled with water and brought back to the planted beans. The ground was then thoroughly saturated.

"So, how long is this supposed to take?"

"Treize said to wait till sunset."

"Really," Trowa was thoroughly impressed, "that fast?"

"Yeah, apparently his family has spent generations grafting and splicing different bean species together to get the height, strength, durability, and Giant's Castle homing ability needed to create 'Jack's Beanstalk'. I heard they won First Prize at the county fair three years in a row."

"Amazing."

It wasn't long before the sun had set and a low rumble was heard. Heero and Trowa looked at one another and then backed up as a small leaf popped up from the ground. The rumble grew louder and louder. The leaf grew bigger and bigger. They looked at one another again and together jumped onto the leaf clutching it tightly. The rumble became an explosive roar and the sprout shot up at g-forces akin to those found when doing tactical maneuvers in their gundams. Wind lashed at them, but their grip was strong.

Before the sun had finally set, the beanstalk had reached its zenith. The breeze was cool and slightly humid.

The boys took in their surroundings. Fluffy white clouds supported a vibrant green field that led to an enormous castle. Below them, far, far, below them, they could just make out the serpentine river.

"Climb the beanstalk, he said. Is he FUCKING NUTS?!!!"

Trowa looked pointedly at Heero.

"Oh, I mean...HN?!!!"


	3. The Tactics of Lara

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 3: The Tactics of Lara

When Heero was through with his Treize bashing, they set off to the castle. It really was an unusual castle. Well of course it was huge, it was a "Giant's" castle. But most do not have pink and sparkling silver bricks nor pretty little bows on every spire. It was quite nauseating to look at.

"What the..._inhales deeply_ hell is that?" Trowa kept taking carefully controlled breaths. His face had taken on a sickly green pallor.

Though not green, Heero too was trying to control his body's reactions to the place. He quickly handed Trowa a bag, you know the kind I'm talking about, the ones you get when you fly the friendly skies. Both took a moment to right themselves. With a quick breath mint and set of sunglasses, they were back on their way.

An hour's walk brought them to castle's gates. The gateway was decorated with fuzzy teddy bear heads and lace. A slight push on the enormous door proved it was unlocked and well balanced.

Heero was the first to enter with gun drawn. He quickly scanned the room for hostiles. Finding it clear he motioned Trowa in. Recalling the ground plans J had given him earlier; he made his way to the "Treasure Room". The room was located on sub-basement 2 in the NNW corner of the building. They needed to get down two levels.

Trowa signaled he had found the stairwell. Heero joined him by the top step.

"_You've got to be fucking kidding me._" Both whispered together.

It was a ten-foot drop to the next step.

"_Two floors down, huh?_" Trowa whispered.

"_Hn._"

"_I don't suppose you have a rope on ya, hmm?_"

Heero shook his head.

"_Fuck._"

Heero nodded in agreement.

They then proceeded to do "Lara Croftesque" hang and drops to the lower levels. They stopped at dawn for a quick bite to eat and potty break. With slight grimaces, they trudged over to the stairs again and continued on their journey.

Several hours later, they found themselves tired, dirty, hungry, and sorely in need of the facilities again. They had located a secure area to rest for a few hours. A small hole in the SB-2's wall led to a room with a spring fed pool. Heero dove into the water, while Trowa fished a feast out of his tiny backpack. Heero quickly bathed and returned to where Trowa was munching on a bag of pretzels.

"Mu mant summ?" Trowa gestured towards a ham and turkey sandwich.

"Hn." Heero grabbed the sandwich, relishing its taste.

"Mhn!"

"I...mmm...know. Quatre made them...mmm...before we left."

Heero grabbed another, threw a few potato chips on it, and munched down happily.

Trowa finished his meal and washed up at the pool.

"I think it would be a good idea to rest here till nightfall."

"I agree, Heero. Mountain climbing was not in the mission's specs."

"I'll take first watch."

Trowa nodded in agreement. He pulled a bedroll from his tiny backpack and tossed it to Heero. He then pulled another along with a fluffy pillow from same said backpack.

"Night." With that, Trowa was asleep.

"And he talks about my spandex..." Heero shook his head.


	4. A Cheap Knockoff

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 4: A Cheap Knockoff

Trowa nudged Heero's foot to wake him. Night had fallen and it was time to continue their mission. With Heero's help, they quickly broke camp and made their way out into the SB-2 hallway.

They moved cautiously, stopping to check for hostiles and at unfamiliar sounds. It was one such sound that held them in place, a sound coming from the very room they meant to enter.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

There was muffled scuffle and then more screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Obviously, someone was being tortured. Heero and Trowa looked at one another and nodded. They would have to be especially careful, but they would use the poor bastard's screams to hide their passage.

So when the next scream started, they quickly entered the room and dove for cover.

From their place in an old ratty boot, they saw what tortured the poor soul they heard just moments earlier.

A wooden table on the far side of the room held something golden. It walked about shrieking and pulling at its hair. Beside the table stood what could only be described as the most grotesque thing Heero had ever seen. It had long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and was covered in pink. _Shutters ran through both boys._ In the giant's hand was a container of gold glitter.

"Oh, for goodness' sake, hold still!" the giant boomed.

"I will not!!! Keep that stuff away from me." The tiny figure tried to escape from the tabletop only to have the giant quickly scoop it up into its hand.

"That's quite enough!" with that the giant gave the figure a little squeeze.

The tiny thing fell silent and limp in the giantess' palm.

"It's about time. Screaming, yelling, running all around the place. Well, I'll make you into the perfect harp yet."

The giant laid the harp down and finished painting it with gold glitter. She then pulled over a golden harp frame. She paused a moment in thought and then quickly shot up and ran to the side cupboard. From it, she took a roll of gold wire twine and a pair of needle-nose pliers. She brought them back to the table. She took the little harp and started to arrange it on the frame. Its arms were secured to the top with the wire. She untwined the harp strings and arranged for them to fall down behind, securing them to the base arm. Once done, she stepped back and admired her work.

"Much better. I can't wait to show Dorothy."

She brushed her hands off on her apron and then left the room.

Heero and Trowa left the hiding spot.

"The Golden Harp was one of the target items, yes?"

"Hn."

"Then let's go get it."

"It's not it."

Trowa looked at Heero, looked to the harp on the table, and back to Heero again.

"What do you mean it's not it? It's a harp. It's golden. It's a Golden Harp." Trowa looked back at Heero with an "it's blatantly obvious" look.

"True. But it's only golden because of the glitter. The giant made it. There must be another and this is the decoy."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because 36 hours ago, I received missions specs clearly stating the retrieval of the Golden Harp and the Goose Who Lays Golden Eggs. That _points to that newly manufactured golden harp_ was just made. Therefore, it cannot be the one laid out in the mission."

Trowa looked at Heero and saw the logic of the argument. He nodded his agreement.

"That maybe so, but it might know where the real one is located."

"Hn." Heero grunted his assent.

They cautiously made their way to the table. Concern about how to scale it was swiftly brushed away upon seeing a tiny spiral staircase lead to its top. In minutes, they were on the table's surface and making their way to the Imitation Golden Harp.

Said harp was currently rousing from its fainting spell.

"Ugh."

The harp tried to open its eyes, but had to close them again when a wave of dizziness overwhelmed it.

"Ugh. I think I'm going to be sick." With that, the little harp did. The poor thing whimpered some more. It was unable to move, unable to stop the world from spinning, and unable to clean the puke from its shirt. All in all, it was a rather pitiful sight.

Heero was not moved. He walked over to the harp, pulled its head up, and started his interrogation.

"Where's the Golden Harp?"

The little harp was able to open its eyes a bit to see who held it.

"Oh, Heero, thank god! Get me loose! Look what that fucking bitch did to me!" the harp pleaded with Heero.

Heero pulled the harp's head forward and then smashed it back into the pole it was tied to.

"Where's the Golden Harp?"

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" the harp and Trowa screamed.

Trowa pulled Heero away from the harp, restraining him.

"THE FUCK, YUY!!! GET A FUCKING HOLD OF YOURSELF!!! THIS IS NOT REALITY!!! FUCKING OPEN YOUR EYES BEFORE I FUCKING OPEN THEM FOR YOU!!!"

Trowa threw Heero to the ground and stood between him and the harp.

"Look at him!" Trowa point to the harp.

Heero did, but did not see his point.

Trowa let out a frustrated sigh.

"Long chestnut hair, large violet eyes, black priestly garb,..." Trowa looked for any signs of recognition. There were none.

"Duo Maxwell... a.k.a. Pilot 02... a.k.a. Shinigami...a.k.a your partner!!!" Trowa looked back to Heero.

"You're my partner."

The harp let out a string of curses and then looked to Trowa.

"Trowa, just get me the fuck loose!!!"


	5. His Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 5: His Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

Trowa turned his back on Heero and inspected Duo's bonds.

"Shit."

"What do you mean, 'shit'? Get me down, Trowa!" Duo was starting to get agitated.

"Heero come over here and hold him while I get him loose."

"NO FUCKING WAY!!! HE IS NOT TOUCHING ME!!!"

"Duo, I've got to cut your wrists loose. The wire is starting to cut through the skin. You're in no condition to support yourself while I try to get your hair free. I can't believe she was using it as harp strings."

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! KEEP HIM AWAY!!! I'll deal till you get my hair free."

Trowa sighed, but respected Duo's wishes.

He carefully checked the wire bindings holding the "_harp strings_" in place. With patient and well thought out motions, he started removing pieces of wire. Unfortunately, Relena had been a little wire happy. Somehow she had snarled hair and wire together in an incomprehensible knot. No amount of twisting, turning, and sitting back looking at it cross-eyed made any difference. It was quite thoroughly stuck.

"Duo, I think I might have to cut..." Trowa was interrupted by a panic driven scream.

"YOU'RENOTCUTTINGMYHAIR!!!!!!DON'TCUTMYHAIR!!!!!!!"

The scream was cut short by pitiful choking sobs. Trowa stood frozen with a set of shears in his hand.

"Don't..._hiccough_...cut..._sniffle_...my hair!"

Duo turned his tear stricken face to Heero.

"'Ro, don't let him cut it!" Duo burst into an all-out bawl fest.

There are those who say the Pilot 01 has no heart, no emotion, no compassion. Well, Who Town was wrong.

"Trowa, cut him loose and hold him! I'll fucking get his hair loose!"

"_you're not going to cut it, are you?_" Duo asked in a small voice, his eyes still wet with unshed tears.

"Hn."

"Oh thank you, Heero!" Duo's smile returned and the tears vanished.

Trowa gently removed the wire from about Duo's wrists and supported him as his body sagged forward. Meanwhile, Heero meticulously disentangled Duo's hair from the contraption.

"Hn."

Heero stood up from his completed task and brushed his hands off on his shorts.

"Thank you."

Duo now free from the harp frame quickly tore off his shirt and threw it over the side of the table.

"I don't suppose either of you have anything that I use to get cleaned up with?"

Trowa and Heero looked to one another.

Back to the hole in the SB-2 wall they went.

Spying the spring fed pool, Duo did a running leap and cannonballed into the water. Trowa and Heero carefully wiped the water from their faces.

"Baka!"

"Ah, soooo refreshing! Care to join me?" Duo looked expectantly at his fellow pilots. "No? Well, okay then. Can you give me some soap?"

Trowa's tiny backpack came back out as he rummaged through it. Out came a bottle of both shampoo and conditioner, a container of "Oil Olay Almond Oil" body wash with loofa _Quatre's, he mouthed_, towels, a brush and hair ties, and a set of clean cloths. Trowa frowned in concentration and continued to search the pack, reaching his arm further and further into the pack.

"There it is!"

Trowa looked up happily and pulled the desired item out of the tiny back pack. It was a battery-operated industrial hair dryer.

"My Hero!!!"


	6. Gym Clothes Labels

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 6: Gym Clothes Labels

Cleaned, dried, and clothed. Duo was ready to face the world.

"So, what's say we tear that bitch into little bitty pieces after shaving off her hair?!!!"

Heero looked to Duo.

"That is not part of mission parameters."

"For fuck's sake, Yuy! Do you see what she did to my hair?"

Duo shoved the end of his braid into Heero's face so he could get a better look.

Heero looked up at Duo with a blank expression.

"What do you mean you don't see anything?!!! Here, here!!!" Duo pointed out the damage in question. "SPLIT ENDS!!!"

"Baka."

"Are you two through? We are on a mission right now."

"What mission?" Duo inquired.

"We're suppose..."

Trowa was abruptly cut off.

"It's need to know only." Heero answered.

Duo stomped right up to Heero's face, fuming.

"Well, I fucking need to know!"

"Heero, he's right. If he's going to help us, he'll have to know."

"Fine, but first I want to know the answer to one question."

"What's that?" both Duo and Trowa answered.

"Where's the Golden Harp?"

Rage overtook Duo.

"WHERE'S THE GOLDEN HARP?!!!!! I'M THE GOLDEN HARP!!!!!!!"

"As I stated earlier to Trowa that cannot possibly be."

"DO YOU WANT PROOF?!!! I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU PROOF!!!"

With that Duo began stripping and tossing his clothes at Heero.

"Well, go on and look Mr. Your Not the Golden Harp! Look at it."

Heero reached down and picked up Duo's rubber ducky boxers. He looked back to Duo, clearly confused.

"The tag..._sigh_...read it."

Heero found the care tag and began to read.

_Property of the Golden Harp_

Heero looked up confused.

"Go ahead check out the shirt... and the pants..."

Heero did. Each backed up Duo's argument that he was indeed the Golden Harp.

"Hn."

He threw the clothes back at Duo.

"You better be fucking sorry."

"Hn."

"No way that won't do. A month. You owe me a month's worth."

"Hn."

Duo fully placated now returned to his happy-go-lucky completely clothed disposition.

"Duo, what is he giving you?"

Duo just smiled while Heero blushed.

"N...never mind."


	7. Cosplay Freaks

_All rights for characters, places, and concepts belong to their owners._

Chapter 7: Cosplay Freaks

"Retrieve the Golden Harp and the Goose that Lays Golden Eggs, huh?" Duo rubbed his chin in thought. "Well, at least you've got me."

"Yes, but we still need to locate the GTLGE. It was obviously not in the 'Treasure Room' with you."

"True. Hey, maybe Quatre will know."

Trowa quickly looked to Duo.

"Quatre's here?"

"Yeah. He went off with Dorothy. Something about needing his help."

"Where would they be?"

"Probably in her room. It's on the second floor."

Both Heero and Trowa clearly looked displeased at this announcement.

"What? What's wrong?"

"That far?" Trowa asked.

"It's only four floors up."

Heero and Trowa looked at Duo as if he grew twelve heads.

"For crying out loud, you make it sound like I'm going to make you climb the stairs."

"You're not?"

"There is an elevator. You know, tiny little box that moves people and things from floor to floor with a push of a button."

Trowa looked to Heero with a disgusted look.

"What?!!!" Heero countered.

"Twelve fucking hours, twelve hours, Yuy... and thereWasAFUCKINGELEVATOR?!!!"

"It wasn't on the plans."

"SAVE IT!!! Duo, lead the way!"

Duo motioned for them to follow him. They found the elevator a scant ten meters from the staircase.

"Duo, why is it not giant-sized?" Trowa pondered.

"Dorothy said it just wasn't cost efficient to put two sizes in while her and Relena could very well use the stairs. She also said that Relena was getting a little chunky and could use the exercise."

The other pilots nodded their understanding.

Once all three were in, Duo hit the button for the second floor. _Living Dead Girl_ played in the background as a racy elevator music remix.

"Okay, everyone! On the count of three, jump!" Duo shouted. "One,...Two,..."

Heero forcibly restrained the baka.

"Hn."

"Party pooper."

They finally reached the second floor and with a ding the doors opened.

"Dorothy's room should be the last one on the left."

"Duo, are you sure? The map J gave me lists it as Miscellaneous Room B."

Trowa cleared his throat and pulled Heero aside. He discreetly whispered something into Heero's ear that faintly sounded like "elevator".

Heero's eyes lit up with understanding.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that Duo."

Duo rolled his eyes and started off down the hallway.

Heero and Trowa finally caught up just as he reached Dorothy's door. Muffled talking could be heard through it.

Duo motioned for them to follow him through a small opening in the base of the door. Once in, an overturned hatbox made the perfect hideout. It allowed them to take in the room.

Across from them on an ornate oak dressing table was the GTLGE _(Goose That Lays Golden Eggs)_. It was walking around the table placing golden eggs in strategic places and talking to Dorothy the whole time.

"And this should go here...And that should go there...You know that would look nice with a few ribbons, maybe a teddy bear head or two..."

"I really appreciate this, Quatre. You know me with my fashion sense. I'm mean, just look at what happened when I tweezed my eye brows."

The GTLGE nodded his head in understanding.

"It's not a problem. I love to do interior decorating."

Dorothy smiled down at her little goose.

"I'll just go get those ribbons and teddy bears you wanted." Having said this Dorothy left the room.

"Little putz. I get wired to a harp and he's up there playing happy homemaker."

Trowa gave Duo a dangerous look.

"Don't look at me like that! If I was you, I would be pissed off at how cozy he and Dorothy are."

Trowa didn't wait for the others. He took off to confront the goose about his flirty ways.

When Duo and Heero caught up to him, Trowa was frozen in his spot looking at Quatre.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?!!!" Duo being the only one not suffering from Medusa Syndrome asked the question they were all thinking.

"Www..what?!!!"

Quatre had in his hair three white feathers sticking up on the back of his head, chains and chains of gold bling encircled his neck, a green and yellow basket filled with golden eggs hung from his arm, and a set of blue and gold glitter fairy wings were attached to his back.

Duo had to close his eyes.

"The outfit, Quatre...the outfit..."

Quatre's eyes lit up. "Oh, do you like? I designed it myself."

Trowa broke free from his stasis. "Oh, babe..." Trowa cupped his hand to Quatre's cheek, "What have they done to you?"

"Nothing at all."

"Then why the get-up?" Duo interjected.

"Well, because I'm the Goose That Lays Golden Eggs, silly." Quatre rolled his eyes at the absurdity of the question.

"Riiight. Then why the bling?"

"It's all the rage with the GTLGE crowd lately. I couldn't be out of fashion."

This statement left the other pilots speechless, so Quatre continued.

"The three feathers signify my passage into manhood. Each representing a stage in my life. One as an egg. One as a gosling. And one as a mature adult."

The pilots were still caught in Quatre's explanation, and so he moved on to the next part of his unique ensemble.

"The green and yellow basket represents Mother Nature in her Maiden aspect. When it's combined with the golden eggs, it represents fertility for the GTLGE race. It also allows me to lay many eggs on a single outing instead of doing it one by one."

Quatre stopped seeming very proud of the thought he placed into the outfit.

"What about the wings?" Duo just had to ask it.

Quatre fingered the wings and blushed a pretty pink.

"Well...umm..."

"I mean they are blue and not very goose-like." Duo just kept pushing.

"Well... you know..."

"Know what, Quatre?"

Quatre quickly looked around to make sure they were alone. He then ran over to them and called a huddle.

"Well the thing is, Dorothy and Relena were out of goose wings when I arrived..."

"And..." the other three prompted.

"Well, SHE said that she had the perfect thing..."

"She?" Heero asked dumbly.

Quatre gestured to the closet.

"You didn't?!!!" Duo smacked Heero on the back of the head. "That was my line!"

Quatre grew frustrated and started ranting.

"What choice did I have? I need wings. SHE said that Rally _'1'_ wasn't using them till Halloween."

"Do I even want to know?" Duo shook his head.

"It's no big deal. It's from her handmade Tinkerbell outfit. So kawaii, if a little short."

"Quatre, Tinkerbell doesn't have blue wings."

"_Well, don't tell her that. She worked really hard on it._"

The other three just looked at Quatre really hard, took a deep breath, and let it go.

"It's not important." Heero took control, "Trowa, grab the goose we're leaving."

* * *

_1: Please forgive me Rally Collins. I couldn't help myself.  
See Lady O's Fav Authors to get to Rally's works._


End file.
